I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
