R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
