I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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