Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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