I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't deserve a penis
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
