It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
