Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
