Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
