Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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