so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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