I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
