Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
