omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
