Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
