Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
