you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
