He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
