Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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