Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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