So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
