Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
