on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
