i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
