I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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