Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
