$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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