is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
