that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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