This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
