Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
