You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
