Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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