well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
