I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
