I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
