my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
