I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
