getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
