His apartment number was 69. I had to.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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