i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
