im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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