he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
