after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
