it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
