her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
