I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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