he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
