Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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