I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
