the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
