toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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